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Conrad Black: Already most successful British Lord in years

Not at all like that money-loser The Guardian

(Nov. 2017) The Canadian media is failing in its coverage of semi-famous word user Conrad Black and has missed the biggest mythical news story in many years.

Unquestionably, Black is already the most successful Dark or Black British Lord since Valdemort - See Table below.

It has been distressing to read Canadian media's flawed coverage of Lord Black’s bon mot masturbations.  As a TV personalty and convicted felon who resists all forms of taxation, he has a special authority when sneering at the plight of undocumented labourers and store clerks.  He represents a particular world view informed by isolation and reading his own books while in prison. 

Inspired by Lord Black’s recent epistle, I have assembled  never-before-associated purple prose and predispositions to make my point and assure you that my pronouncements on politics and perverse personages are wordy and somehow important.

Totally unbiased, Historic-like,
Comparison Table

Lord Voldemort
Lord Black
"He Who Cannot Be Named."

“He who should not be quoted.”
Exploded Hogwarts

Expelled from Boarding School
Lives a Fictional Life

Faked tax returns
Super white skin

Supports Trump immigration policy
”tall and skeletally thin"

probably has a skeleton
Sees something different than
Other people when he looks in the mirror     

Thinks he is a great businessman, writer, and political analyst
Can’t stand Sirius Black

Can’t take him seriously Black  
Funny middle name “Marvolo” – likely teased in boarding school

Children please welcome our new student – “Conrad Moffat – now remember that’s Moffat not Muppet –  Black”
Loyal to Slytherin

Likes slanderin’
Leads Deatheaters
Likes eating

Thinks he can control Harry Potter 
Thinks Trump can control the Chinese

Lots of flashbacks
rewrites history

Tries to kill Muggles

Takes workers pension funds
Was Obsessed with Blood purity

Was Obsessed with British peerage
Was Portrayed by actor Fiennes
Says President is acting just fine

Lives in limbo in a ghost-like shrunken form screeching to himself waiting to return
Writes offensive newspaper columns as he lives in limbo waiting to return to his rightful place
Inherited his powers, abused them,
lost in the end

 Umm …
Only mentioned in Prisoner of Azkaban

Only sentenced to American Prisons
Got on the train at King’s Cross

Got on the gravy train at Cross-Harbour
Has a Chamber of Secrets
Hides his current investments

“The Cursed Child”
Least athletic and least sociable kid in school

Hates half-bloods even though he is one himself …

Hates half-wits eventhough

Not that interested in human suffering

Happy about Trump travel bans
Uses Harry's blood to resurrect himself
Uses refugee crisis, wars, golden showers to resurrect his media profile  

Not now a Canadian citizen
 – at least we hope not
Not now a Canadian citizen
 – at least we can say that
Put creepy Z-like scar on Harry’s head
Put his creepy talking head on Zoomer TV

Self-aggrandizing, attention-loving and power - obsessed bully

 Is Conrad Black