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| Not at all like that money-loser The Guardian |
(Nov. 2017) The Canadian media is failing in its coverage of semi-famous word user Conrad Black and has missed the biggest mythical news story in many years.
Unquestionably, Black is already the most successful Dark or Black British Lord since Valdemort - See Table below.
It has been distressing to read Canadian media's flawed coverage of Lord Black’s bon mot masturbations. As a TV personalty and convicted felon who resists all forms of taxation, he has a special authority when sneering at the plight of undocumented labourers and store clerks. He represents a particular world view informed by isolation and reading his own books while in prison.
Inspired by Lord Black’s recent epistle, I have assembled never-before-associated purple prose and predispositions to make my point and assure you that my pronouncements on politics and perverse personages are wordy and somehow important.
Totally unbiased, Historic-like,
Better-than-you-could-do
Comparison Table |
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Lord Voldemort
|
Lord Black
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"He Who Cannot Be Named."
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“He who
should not be quoted.”
|
Exploded Hogwarts
|
Expelled
from Boarding School
|
Lives a Fictional Life
|
Faked tax
returns
|
Super white skin
|
Supports Trump immigration policy
|
”tall and skeletally thin"
|
probably has a skeleton
|
Sees something different than
Other people when he looks in the mirror |
Thinks he is a great businessman, writer, and political
analyst
|
Can’t stand Sirius Black
|
Can’t take him seriously Black
|
Funny middle
name “Marvolo” – likely teased in boarding school
|
Children please
welcome our new student – “Conrad Moffat – now remember that’s Moffat not Muppet
– Black”
|
Loyal to Slytherin
|
Likes slanderin’
|
Leads Deatheaters
|
Likes eating
|
Thinks he can control Harry Potter
|
Thinks Trump
can control the Chinese
|
Lots of flashbacks
|
rewrites
history
|
Tries to kill Muggles
|
Takes
workers pension funds
|
Was Obsessed with Blood purity
|
Was Obsessed
with British peerage
|
Was Portrayed by actor Fiennes
|
Says President is acting just fine
|
Lives in limbo in a ghost-like shrunken
form screeching to himself waiting to return
|
Writes offensive
newspaper columns as he lives in limbo waiting to return to his rightful place
|
Inherited his powers,
abused them,
lost in the end
|
Umm …
|
Only mentioned in Prisoner of Azkaban
|
Only sentenced to American Prisons
|
Got on the
train at King’s Cross
|
Got on the
gravy train at Cross-Harbour
|
Has a Chamber
of Secrets
|
Hides his
current investments
|
“The
Cursed Child”
|
Least
athletic and least sociable kid in school
|
Hates half-bloods even though he is one himself …
|
Hates half-wits eventhough
|
Not that interested in human suffering
|
Happy
about Trump travel bans
|
Uses Harry's blood to resurrect himself
|
Uses refugee crisis, wars, golden showers to resurrect
his media profile
|
Not now a Canadian citizen
–
at least we hope not
|
Not now a Canadian citizen
– at least we can
say that
|
Put creepy Z-like scar on Harry’s head
|
Put his creepy talking head on Zoomer TV
|
Self-aggrandizing, attention-loving and power - obsessed bully
|
Is Conrad Black
|